Ambiguous Loss w/ Shui-yin Sharon Yam(E225)

Over the past few years, I’ve had to reckon with loss and grief that felt unresolved, and perhaps unresolvable. It’s something we’re all dealing with in different ways. As the climate crisis gets worse, I suspect that even more people will feel it too. When loved ones die, we know they’re dead. Everything that comes with that remains horrible, even maybe unbearable, but there is no ambiguity over the fact that a loss happened. That’s not the case with ambiguous loss, the reality that every loss does not hold the promise of anything like resolutions. Take people who were forcibly disappeared in war. Their loved ones just don’t know for sure that they’re dead. There have been cases of people thought to be disappeared actually coming back from the dead, as it were. When the Assad regime fell nearly 2 years ago, there were some Lebanese prisoners released that were ostensibly missing since the 1980s. Loved ones of those disappeared just don’t know, and many end up expressing a sense of paralysis, as it time was frozen the day they disappeared, and never unfroze. Linear time stops making much sense. Has a year passed since the ‘death’? What if they’re still alive? Can one even live with that, or is one stuck. Ambiguous loss can also be more ‘mundane’, for lack of a better term. I’ve moved a lot these past few years. Ever since I left Lebanon in 2015, I’ve moved places and countries maybe 9 or 10 times. Each move brings with it good and bad, and the bad can be a sense of loss that is both permanent and unsettled. In that, ambiguous loss is as universal as it gets. We just don’t usually have the terminology to understand it better. Whether it’s because you’ve seen a loved one ‘fade away’ with dementia or Alzheimer’s, or find yourself ‘pre-grieving’ in anticipation of something bad happening – again, the climate crisis would be an obvious cause here. Whether you’ve gone through something physically traumatising, or just miss a life you’ve had to leave behind. We all go through it in one way or another. This isn’t to make any equivalencies between different experiences. Some are obviously much worse than others, while some still are not even necessarily all bad.

So I had Shui-yin Sharon Yam on to talk about ambiguous loss. She is Professor of Writing, Rhetoric, and Digital Studies, and a faculty affiliate of Gender and Women’s Studies at the University of Kentucky. This was actually her suggestion. Yam is a returning guest of TFTT. She was on in 2022 to talk about “Untellable Stories, Reproductive Justice & Complicating Acts of Advocacy” and before that in 2020 to talk about “Hong Kong, Disappearances and the Emotional Cost of Disinformation.”

Sharon’s Recs:

Past Lives by Celine Song (movie)
Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Women and Queer Radicals by Saidiya Hartman
All Fours by Miranda July

Elia’s Links

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Credits:

Elia Ayoub (host, sound editor, episode design), the rosa artist (TFTT theme design, 2026-), Rap and Revenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Music), ⁠⁠⁠Wenyi Geng⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (TFTT theme design),⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Hisham Rifai⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (FTP theme design),⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Molly Crabapple⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (FTP team profile pics) and ⁠⁠⁠Antidote Zine⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Transcriptions).